There's No Going Back

A very long time ago, very early on in my walk with God, I prayed, “God please let me see people as you see them. Help me to love the way that You love.” I have since come to understand the old Maine adage, ‘You can’t get there from here,’ surely applies to some aspects of spiritual growth.

My spiritual world had been shaken to it’s core. These events did not take place at one time, it was more like the erosion of land due to a pounding surf. Because this is a brief blog post I won’t share those events at this time. I felt lost. I was lost from almost everything I had previously understood about what it meant to be a Christian. I had gotten to the point that I felt if I just left God alone, He would leave me alone.

Time passed but there was always this undercurrent in me that would not let me stop seeking answers and seeking God. I thought that if I could just get back to where I once had been in Him, then I could go on to further spiritual growth, onto a deeper relationship. I was wrong.  I struggled for several painful years and came to the realization that this could not be. I could not go back to that old relationship with Him. There is only forward. 

God has shown me too much about how He loves us for me to ever go back to being the Christian I once had been. Once your eyes are opened to new truths about God, (new to us, not new to Him) something deep inside your spirit changes, if you allow it.  When you try to go back and be the person you were, you no longer see people and situations as you once did. Instead of going back, you move on from the hurt into depths in Christ you never knew before. You love in ways you have never loved before.

When you come out on the other side of a what I am now calling “A Near Spiritual Death Experience” you no longer judge others, or yourself, the way you used to. You don’t wonder if someone will ever live up to the standard of a particular group. Instead, you love people for who they are, where they are, just as God loves you during your own journey. 

My heart is now so full of love for the Creator of all things. I understand and love now in ways I never could have had I not died that spiritual death and been “born again ... again”.

Forgiveness Leads To Success

“The art of gentleness toward ourselves leads us to be gentle with others -- and is a natural prerequisite for our presence to God in prayer”. -- Brennan Manning, The Rabbi’s Heart

I realized lately that one of the reasons I have not gone further in my personal growth, faster than I have, is that I have been so hard and unforgiving...of myself. The other day was one such example. I have been trying to get a “handle on my flesh” and seriously loose this extra weight I have been carrying around with me for several years.

For a long time I have felt that I would take two steps forward and one step back. I would become discouraged and angry with myself, berating myself for failing yet again. I felt like God spoke gently to me as He always does, and let me know that reacting this way was not helpful. Yes, I had messed up, but so what? A gentleness came over me toward myself for the first time. It is amazing, but now that I am practicing this attitude of being easier on myself, the opposite of what I always thought would happen is happening. I am more and more successful everyday in my various goals and I am taking so much more joy in the journey! What used to seem so hard is becoming pleasurable. Prayer and meditation are a pleasure and eating healthy doesn't seem like punishment. It doesn’t feel like self discipline any more, but joys in my day. I am doing things now that once seemed more like punishments or “have to do’s”. Those same things now make me smile.

To paraphrase Brennan Manning once more in ‘The Rabbi’s Heart’... Contempt for ourselves gives vent to hostility, which manifests itself as general irritability. We find ourselves being irritated with people who possess the same faults we do. He went on to say that, “Self hatred always results in some form of self-destructive behavior.”

In the long run, it never pays to treat ourselves unkindly. There is nothing productive about it and is actually counter productive.

We must come to understand that Matthew 18:21 and 22 applies to ourselves as well as others.

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me and forgive him? Till seven times?

22 Jesus saith unto him, “I say not unto thee until seven times, but, unto seventy time seven.”

Despising our weaknesses only makes us weaker. We need to rejoice in the small success, give ourselves a break when we mess up, and go on to the next goal. Eventually, a breakthrough comes and we are living the life we have dreamed of living.

Recognizing His Voice

     Something wonderful and unexpected has been happening to me since I have begun to sit quietly in God's presence and listen to what He has to say to me.
     When I first started practicing being in the Lord's presence in this way, I found that He really spoke to me, specifically and richly. I went on through the rest of my day feeling loved, refreshed, and saturated in His presence. Lately I am finding that I am more sensitive to His voice, even when I am not actively or intently seeking to hear it. 
     Many situations have arisen in which I would normally react in a certain way, without really having giving it a second thought. Lately, I find I am hearing that 'still small voice' more often and more easily throughout my days and the results have been miraculous. I am aware of the way the Lord would have me act or what he would have me do. I am also acutely aware of the fact it is not how I previously would have treated the situation. When I listen and yield to His leading, peace has filled each situation that would other wise have been tense. Joy is filling up much more of my day because, although I always "knew" that God was everywhere at all times and in every situation, I am now keenly aware of Him and His gentle leading.
     I am so grateful that the Lord chooses to speak to me this way. I feel I understand in a new way, John 10:4..."When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice".
     Because I took the time to learn to hear His voice and know the sound of it, I can now hear Him direct my steps more clearly. What peace to live in His presence!

The Temptation Of Giving In To Fear

Feb. 12, 2013  

Matthew 6:13

...and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. ...  

     I  previously viewed this as the temptation to sin in just the physical sense like gluttony, stealing, swearing, etc. but there are other ways to give into temptation. Some times the temptation is to give in to fear. When attacks of anxiety, fear and self doubt come,  we are tempted to give up or stop trying. That is exactly what the opposition wants us to do. We become so weary that we want to give up. 

     I think of the Parable of the Talents. One man was too scared to use his talent, to increase what God had given him. He was afraid to fail and so he did not even try. By doing nothing he did fail. His failure to try showed a lack of faith in himself and perhaps in his Master. 

     God forgive me for the times I have been paralyzed with fear and didn't really try. I remember an exchange of dialog in the movie “The Devil Wears Prada”.  Failing to please her boss after doing all that she thought she could, the main character, Andy visits another another employee, Nigel. In tears she tell him, “I’m trying!” Nigel tells her, “You're not trying, you're whining." He then helps her to see that someone else would die for the chance to do her job.

Sometimes we can all feel overwhelmed like this. This is just one of the many reasons it is so vitally important take the time everyday to sit quietly, knowing we are in His presence. He calms our souls and minds and gives us the strength and confirmation we need to carry on. We can hear His voice. He will speak exactly what we need to hear in that moment, if we will just Be Still and Listen.