“The art of gentleness toward ourselves leads us to be gentle with others -- and is a natural prerequisite for our presence to God in prayer”. -- Brennan Manning, The Rabbi’s Heart
I realized lately that one of the reasons I have not gone further in my personal growth, faster than I have, is that I have been so hard and unforgiving...of myself. The other day was one such example. I have been trying to get a “handle on my flesh” and seriously loose this extra weight I have been carrying around with me for several years.
For a long time I have felt that I would take two steps forward and one step back. I would become discouraged and angry with myself, berating myself for failing yet again. I felt like God spoke gently to me as He always does, and let me know that reacting this way was not helpful. Yes, I had messed up, but so what? A gentleness came over me toward myself for the first time. It is amazing, but now that I am practicing this attitude of being easier on myself, the opposite of what I always thought would happen is happening. I am more and more successful everyday in my various goals and I am taking so much more joy in the journey! What used to seem so hard is becoming pleasurable. Prayer and meditation are a pleasure and eating healthy doesn't seem like punishment. It doesn’t feel like self discipline any more, but joys in my day. I am doing things now that once seemed more like punishments or “have to do’s”. Those same things now make me smile.
To paraphrase Brennan Manning once more in ‘The Rabbi’s Heart’... Contempt for ourselves gives vent to hostility, which manifests itself as general irritability. We find ourselves being irritated with people who possess the same faults we do. He went on to say that, “Self hatred always results in some form of self-destructive behavior.”
In the long run, it never pays to treat ourselves unkindly. There is nothing productive about it and is actually counter productive.
We must come to understand that Matthew 18:21 and 22 applies to ourselves as well as others.
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me and forgive him? Till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, “I say not unto thee until seven times, but, unto seventy time seven.”
Despising our weaknesses only makes us weaker. We need to rejoice in the small success, give ourselves a break when we mess up, and go on to the next goal. Eventually, a breakthrough comes and we are living the life we have dreamed of living.
